Twas the Night After Boston, and all through the House

Not a creature was stirring, Not even a mouse.

When deep in my belly, there arose such a clatter

My brain tried to tell me what was the matter

And then with a start I awoke, full of fright

And fled down the stairs, to drop a big shyte.

I strained and I groaned, with my heart all a'flutter

I let out a wail, and then a poop-shudder

And what to my wondering eyes did appear?

A creature of nightmare, of terror, of fear.

Twas the Night after Boston, and what did I see?

A Finless Brown Trout, staring at me.

Went to Boston today, so my bowels are safely in Travel Mode.

I'm a little nervous about what this means for tomorrow - Travel Turds usually pass quietly in the night. Much the way atom bombs don't.

Anways, someone, let's call him .. "Obi Wan" .. to preserve the innocent, was along for the journey. Well he's really a long-standing supporter/fan of DumpFeed and today he noticed this public service announcment as we were walking along.

Turns out all of Boston is afraid of DumpFeed. Think of those poor fishes!

Pfft. Rookies. I'll give you a fish to put in your Harbor. I'll show you an exotic, finless specimen you can put in your little Aquarium. You just wait until tomorrow.

So, for those who are keeping count (you know who you are) this is No. 2 of .. number 2 today. Sorry, that was a crappy pun.

In a valiant attempt to make up for yesterday, my bowels have felt compelled to go into overdrive - hey I won't complain. This is the funnest thing I do all day.

This last specimen was delivered with such force that we don't actually know what animal it was supposed to be (remember, my bowels like to create zoo animals). We're gonna say .. maybe .. a Gerbil? that got stuck in a meat grinder?

VICTORY! And all before 9a!

After the absolutely disappointing debacle of yesterday's dump I am thrilled to announced the arrival of The Anteater.

Or maybe it should be named The HoneyBadger? No, we gotta save that one for true greatness.

Look, LOL, it's got a little anteater snout and everything! It's little clawed foot sticking out near the positively unhealthy pile of Toilet Paper. Yeah, this one was a forever-whiper.

I basically have a Zoo in my stomach.

This one .. about sums up my day today.

I thought it was gonna be epic. I ate extra chili last night, I gagged down a tablespoon of Olive Oil (that's the big spoon your mom uses to measure out her powdered zanax after dealing with you and your siblings all day.) I even had my coffee bright and early. The pipes were as prepped as they possibly could be.

Instead, we get this. These .. what even are they? .. angry walnuts? UGH.

And what is that gross film on the water? It's the Poo-Pourri I layed down in anticipation of greatness. (Side note: I should see about getting them to sponsor DumpFeed.com - seems right up thier alley.)

Did the greatness come to me? NO. Was the Poo-Pourri sprayed in vain? YES. WILL THERE BE BLOOD SPILT TOMORROW? Oh man, I sincerely hope not. TONIGHT WE DINE IN .. Woah Woah. Easy there, Sparta. Nobody's dining in .. although aaactually.. I did have some deliciously cleansing Ethnic Food for dinner.

One can only hope the morrow will bring us Glory. For, Lo! Even now the trumpeter soundeth!