As we plunder the depths further still we come across The Weary Dolphin.

See how it lists lazily against the mouth of the bowl. Its little tailfin splayed sleepily against the coral-white funnel of doom. Its eyes closed wearily as if swimming all the way out of my bowels took all the strength it had.

And now we bid it a fond Farewell. For it shall soon be sent to the land where all the bowel creatures swim forever. For, lo!, even now the great Riptide cometh to bear it hence and away.

So passeth the The Weary Dolphin from the bowels of my belly to the endless bowels of the earth. Alas and anon, the Dolphin is gone.

OK. I know this thing doesn't look like much, but you wouldn't believe the fight it put up.

I mean wads and wads of TP, agonizing minutes of aching strain .. All for this tiny little minnow. This Mighty Minnow.

Can you see it? This thing was so small i tried to zoom in close and get a picture as it was swimming around. See its little mouth, open and laughing at me? Its little tail swishing as if to remind me of how hard it fought the current as I voided by bowels.

Last time we witnessed The Terrible Tentacles and I swear to you that by some miracle this little gulper put up more of a stink than all those tentacles combined.

What's next? We've still got some adventures in the deep sea!

Continuing our journey through the bowels of the deep (see what I did there?) we now come to evidence of some horrible, no doubt prehistoric old-world abomination, The Terrible Tentacles.

Clawing their way into your nightmares, these dark-spawn of Cthulhu look like they've boiled out of the little spout thing in the toilet where the turd-pushing jet of water normally appears to wash away the evidence of your latest meal.

Violating the safest reaches of the placid poo-pools, they hunger, they stretch, they unfurl their terrible length and reach to drag you into the depths of ... Well, no doubt something bloody awful.

Honestly I have no idea how these friggin things came out of me. Or maybe they didn't. Maybe they were always there. Like Gravemind from Halo. Just waiting to drag Master Chief down .. down .. down .. Deeper. Darker. Beware!

Today's bowel adventure takes us from the Zoo to the Aquarium for some stunning examples of aquatic life.

Up first is this beautiful sample of brain coral, found just yesterday after a particularly moving experience on the porcelain throne.

Tomorrow, another beast from the depths of the Sea!

I never wanted to be a Cop - they do a lot of good, but take a lot of crap. Ain't got no time, amirite?

But .. Apparently deep inside me I do want to be a Defender of the Law. Like deeeeeep inside. Bowel-deep. Oh and definitely the Judge Dredd kind of Defender.

So .. speaking of dread and deep inside and bowels and all .. here's what my body decided to conjur up today ..